Couples Therapy

Relationships are hard.

The people we are closest to can bring out the best in us – and perhaps, more frequently, the worst. That’s because our intimate relationships hook into fundamental aspects of our internal landscape: our senses of safety, worthiness, and even who we are.

So, what happens when your relationship begins to fray at the edges?

What if it feels like it’s been completely torn apart?

The world can feel like it’s turning upside down. Suddenly, it’s like you don’t really know the person standing across from you. Maybe you don’t even recognize the face in the mirror.

How did we get here?

Stressors past and present can affect the way our nervous systems interact with one another. We are wired for connection – and wired to avoid threat.

But our bodies’ relational systems and threat response systems often seem to be in conflict. When we are overwhelmed by ongoing battles or haunted by past traumas, the normal negotiation tactics go out the window.

The impact of a single word (or even a look!) from your partner can send you into a tailspin – and leave you wondering how you ever ended up with this person in the first place. All those lovely qualities that first drew you together get harder and harder to see, as each of you are pulled further and further into opposite corners of the ring.

Relationships are complicated.

In each snap reaction, a multitude of messages register inside and pass between you: physical sensations, half-formed thoughts, flashes of feelings, memories of being somewhere like this before. To protect yourself, your internal warrior may show up, or perhaps some other part of you that just wants to cut and run.

In our work together, you will have the time and space to discover these aspects of yourself and your partner. You will start to get curious about how they interweave and feed each other, creating your vicious cycle.

You’ll learn to ask, “What’s me, what’s you, and what is the dance we create together?” And you’ll begin to see that it might just be possible to stay true to yourself and remain connected to your partner. It is possible to build a shared vocabulary so that when you work through conflict, you can hold your own – and hold your partner.

And what about all those past and present stressors? Today, it may sound too good to be true, but your relationship can become a place where you go to find the support you need to face them together. I’ve seen it!

The Power of Repair

Of course, things will still sometimes be difficult, because let’s face it, people are difficult. But it is possible to make your collective “difficult-ness” less destructive and more productive.

Because there’s something even more amazing about this work: Not only is couples therapy a powerful way to repair and strengthen relationships – but it can also bring about profound personal healing. You can create a new environment, one that allows each of you to continue to grow and find new ways of being yourselves – together.

I’m convinced that If you have someone willing to show up for you, you’re already winning. I’d love to help you find yourselves on the same team again. After all, you’ve put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this game – why not find out if I can help you see it through?

Call me at (323) 510-1221, email, or complete the contact form below. You and your relationship are worth it.